Doc and the Bimbo Posts

Trump wants Canada to be the 51^st state. The Canadians are pissed. They already have an old fart for a king and don’t want two.  

For those few who have read my blog, you know that I am always looking for the big idea. I think I have finally found it. If eastern Oregon can leave to be in Greater Idaho, and if the border between the USA and Canada is just an arbitrary line, then a blue state in the USA should be allowed to become a Canadian Province.  Greater Canada!  This would solve a lot of problems.

First the red states hate us. If we were gone, they could end abortion, stop wokeness, kick out all the wet back beaners, and put the 10 commandments and mandatory prayers back where they belong in schools. Everybody would be required to own a gun and be allowed to shoot lost black teens in their all-white neighborhoods.

I can’t speak for all blue states but for us in lessor Oregon, we would be free to put up wind mills and solar panels to our hearts content, drive EVs (except for swastacars), blow up dams to free the salmon, and not rake our forests. We could continue to vaccinate our kids, elect lesbian governors, and wear face diapers to reduce the risk of pandemics. Our govenors would now be calle premeirs, a much cooler word.

But it does not end there. Besides the benefits of being free of the red state menace, Canada has lots of things that make it appealing in its own right. Besides the obvious ones of universal health care, cheap higher education, no mass shootings, generous family leave provisions, and unlimited supplies of maple syrup; Canada also has numerous hidden benefits.

Gas is less expensive there. In Oregon it cost 3 to 4 dollars while up north its only about a buck fifty,  and that’s in Canadian money which makes it even cheaper. Ever notice the smaller red numbers on your car’s speedometer. Those are for use in Canada as cars can go faster there. I don’t know why, perhaps it’s the cleaner and colder air. Or it might be that Canadian Mounties are easier to spot in their bright red uniforms, big ass hats and that they ride horses instead of driving Ford Explorers. Although this may seem like a handicap, the most famous Mounty of all time, Sargent Preston, said that the Mounties always get their man, and I believed him.  I am a lot older now and realize that “get their man” may have an alternative meaning, but what happens in Moose Jaw stays in Moose Jaw.    

If Oregon became a Canadian province, the transition would be easy as we speak roughly the same language. with the exception of “eh”. This word is often said at the end of a sentence in place of other words like, “you know”, “right?” or an equally cryptic and the unpronounceable sentence ender, “innit?”.  Personally, I think it is equivalent to the USA sentence ender, “ok?” The over use of this “eh” word may be due to it being a small word requiring less time to speak, thus limiting the potential of tongue frostbite.  This painful malady is the likely reason why the slow talking emigrants from the USA deep south are poorly represented in the Canadian population.  And while I am on the subject, why would Canadians want these people in their country anyway. My God, southerners think a pillar is something that you sleep on rather than the majestic support structure for important government buildings.  And if we have learned anything since the last election, ignorance is contagious.

Although Canadian winters are brutal, they don’t get hurricanes and the few tornados they do get are easily confused for dust devils. And who knows in a few years with global warming, the winters will moderate. This effect may take a while but that’s okay with me as  I always wanted to go ice fishing and ice hockey is a great sport to watch.  Although it will never replace American football; the fights are definitely better. I recently discovered this after watching the Rock in the movie “Tooth Fairy” which I believe is based on a true story.  The Canadians also have a better national anthem than the USA and it is much easier to sing, although I have never understood a word of it after the opening “oh Canada” part. This might be do to the fact that Canadian singers try to open their mouths as little as possible due to the aforementioned danger of tongue frostbite.

Canada has the most extensive intertidal mud flats on the planet. Weirdly, visiting one of these is on my bucket list. Yes, I know I am pathetic. They also have narwals which is a strange marine mammal with a giant spike-like tusk on its head. The purpose of this phallus is under study, but recent research suggests it is used in play to attract females.  This behavior is similar to taking dick picks and sending them to random females at your work.  Like humans, female narwhales with few exceptions are tuskless.  A study of why some female narwhales have tusks was recently canceled by RFK the lessor. I guess this means that what happens in Hudson Bay is going to stay in Hudson Bay, forever.

But enough about why us blue balled blue staters would want to become part of Greater Canada. Why would the Canadians want Oregon? Food? Canadians are skinny and its not due to them all having active gym memberships. They are starving. Can’t grow much up there beside rye and rutabagas. But look what they would get from the rich agricultural lands in the great Willamette Valley, grass seed, landscaping plants, hops, hazel nuts, and industrial hemp. And don’t get me started on the wine.  Fuck Napa! In Oregon we have pinot noir, the finest watery red wine on the planet.  And according to my post graduate research, when combined with Canadian whiskey, gives you the wickedest, gut-wrenching hang overs possible. But don’t worry about that as Oregon has lots of pot stores to aid in the morning after recovery, or so I am told.   

But as with all fairy tales, Greater Canada has its draw backs. First and foremost, Canada is bilingual and their English as a second language is French. Now I personally think that French is a beautiful language to hear, especially when compared to the bastardized Spanish I get to hear on a daily basis, but it has one major drawback. It is primarily spoken by the arrogant, snail eating French. Once again Canada would benefit by the inclusion a few former USA states as we have a plan for all these foreign fuckers who are polluting our blood; send them to El Salvador where they came from. While our methods for this are still in the experimental stages, in a just a few more days of practiced on pregnant women and teenagers, we will be working our way up to a group of losers who defraud our Social Security and Medicaid; grandmothers and the permanently disabled. For the few that the activist libtard judges won’t let us deport, we can force them all back to work as greeters at Walmart.

But there is one con to us joining Greater Canada that may be a deal breaker. What is it with moose? They look like an ill-conceived cross between an elk and a camel. And what is the plural of moose, its moose. God would not have intentionally created anything that is both singular and plural at the same time. Just ask a biblical scholar like Governor DeSantis about that one. Making it worse, if it can be worse, the moose(s) best buds are rabies infected flying squirls.  Canadians, you must learn that you can’t have an animal or human that is that woke. Get out your AR-15’s and kill them all. Then we will consider Greater Canada, which would be a beautiful, beautiful thing that would look great on a map.

The cost of a dozen eggs was $7.24 at our local grocery store last week. There are two major reasons for this. One is that chickens can no longer be kept in cages. Us libtard, tree-hugging PETA members are dancing in the streets as the egg layers are running free pecking at the ground, eating bugs, and doing things that real chickens did when we were kids.  Imagine my shock to find out that this is not exactly true. Cage free means that cage space has to be about one square foot. That gives them enough room to maybe turn around. Cage free can also applies to meat chickens so that they have to have more room but are still kept in large indoor flocks with as many as 50,000 in a barn.  Because of these restrictions, egg and meat farms are less efficient and the price of eggs and fryers went up.  

But the massive increase in egg prices we have seen lately is due to bird flu, or more specifically the virus signified as H5N1. WTF does that mean. Viruses are usually classified by two types of protein. “H” refers to hemagglutinin of which there are 16 types. “N” refers to neuraminidase of which there are 9 types. The H protein is the one that attaches the virus to the surface of a potential host cell. The N protein is the one that helps the virus release its genetic material into the cell where it will con the cell into replicating billions of the virus in its entirety.

Using this naming convention, H3N2 is also known as the Hong Kong Flu.  H1N1 is the designation for the Spanish flu which killed up to 100 million people worldwide at the end of WWI. The Spanish flu had nothing to do with Spain. It actually started in the good ol’ USA. Woodrow Wilson named it after Spain because he was pissed that Spain was a neutral in WWI.  H1N1 tried to make a comeback in 2009 as the swine flu but failed to live up to its ancestor’s body count.  So, what is HN designation for Covid 19?  Its SARS-coV-2??? Just when I thought I understood something about virus naming the Chinese had to fuck it up.

I tried to look up the HN numbers for Beaver Feaver but failed as it is not a virus. Beaver fever is a real disease and was also a lousy slogan for Beaver football during one of its many losing decades. The Beaver athletic director finally dropped that slogan when he was informed that beaver fever is the common name for a Giardia lamblia infection that you get from drinking water contaminated with beaver shit.  Giardia is a single celled parasite which vaguely resembles a non-orange version of Donald Trump. Both will give you a head ache and make you shit like a duck on Metamucil. My whole family was infected with it in 1981 when a storm knocked out the filtration system in our local water treatment plant.   To qualify for treatment of this infection I needed to be properly diagnosed. At that time there were only two diagnostic options; partially swallow a string and then pulling  it out of your stomach after a few hours in the hopes that one of the microscopic fuckers would grab on, or shit into a plastic container and drive it to the diagnostic center while it was still warm.  Having a strong gag reflex, I opted for the second option. The only problem with this is that the warm shit had to be of the loose duck shit type and that did not happen with every bowl movement. I carried that sterile plastic container with me to the bathroom for two weeks before it finally happened. Based on my smelly diagnoses, my whole family was prescribed a med which had side effects from hell to rid us of the parasites. The 1981 storm is named the Friday the 13^th storm, but In my house the storm is fondly remembered as the shit storm.

I got side tracked again, didn’t I.

Back to the bird flu. According to my inside source, which is a daughter who knows someone’s brother who might work for the dept of agriculture, the bird flu has been around for a decade or more in wild birds and periodically infects poultry barns where it is fatal to the birds. Once found in a flock, the whole barn full is killed, the dead birds disposed of, and the facility disinfected which takes a minimum of three weeks before it can be restocked. However, to get back to full production with mature hens typically takes several months, which is a profit catastrophe, which explains egg prices. Meat chicken prices did not skyrocket as much as they can be harvested at six weeks, while hens begin laying eggs at six months and can keep doing this for several years. As a result, egg layers have a relatively greater opportunity to be exposed to the virus with far greater economic damage resulting.

To prevent infection in these poultry factories, the Dept of Agriculture has the ability to enforce biosecurity protocols. These protocols involve wearing specialized clothing in the barn, showering in and showering out, feed trucks leaving the farm having to have their tires cleaned, and not allowing unnecessary visitors in the barn. All this is being done by workers who English is a second language for five dollars an hour.  In addition, workers at these barns should not visit other poultry farms nor should they have their own birds in a backyard flock. If they violate these rules, they face firing and deportation back to Guatemala. Now in addition to low pay, horrible and smelly working conditions, and constant fear of ICE raids, they are being exposed to bird flu.

And the bird flu is mutating. Recently dairy cows have been getting sick and dying.  The cows are not eating or handling sick birds, but they do eat grass that birds shit on. YUCK! I think I will switch to almond milk. The list of other infected mammals is growing and diverse. This list includes foxes, skunks, squirrels, bears and cats both domestic and wild. Surprisingly dolphins and seals also made the list.  Recently domestic cats have been diagnosed with bird flu on a Texas dairy farm where they were fed raw milk from infected cows. Just this month several cats in Portland had to be euthanized after they became infected from eating contaminated commercial pet food. Both of these events suggest that direct exposure to birds may not be the only pathway into mammals.

So far human infections are rare but from 2003 to 2024, 954 cases have been reported from 24 countries, of which 464 were fatal. This human fatality rate is likely skewed as testing for the virus at the time being done on really sick individuals. Recent studies suggest that a sizable percentage of poultry farm workers have antibodies to the virus indicating infection without serious disease.  So far, the virus appears not to have mutated into a form that can pass directly from one human to another, with all of the human cases being related to the handling of birds. Then Elon Musk fired the CDC people who were monitoring the virus. Nothing to see here folks, no worries, move along.

Not really. Viruses mutate. This may result in viruses that can become more contagious, evolving into forms that can infect different animal types. This is what appears to be happening with the bird flu. The number of mutations increases with the number of infections. Large flocks of chickens confined in indoor facilities where they rub wing feathers with each other is a perfect vector for these evolutionary changes. Biosecurity measures reduce this risk. It is unclear to me whether these measures are being enforced by the Dept of Agriculture. Given that the Trump administration is vehemently opposed to regulations, is cutting those who enforce these regulations and has a new health czar who is opposed to vaccines and espouses the benefits of raw milk, I am not encouraged.

Sadly, I have come to believe that the cost of eggs is just the beginning. I see this as a long-term plot to depopulate the planet of humans.  The dinosaurs ruled the earth for 165 million years till that big rock dropped creating the Gulf of Mexico. While our mammalian ancestors did not have a direct part in that extinction event, our cretaceous ancestors were not entirely innocent as before the event they crawled out of their burrows at night to eat dino eggs and after the asteroid impact they ate off the rotting carcasses for several years till the planet warmed up again. This did not endear us to the dino’s bird ancestors who are now making their move after patiently planning our demise for the last 65 million years.

I am sorry to inform all you bird lovers. Birds are evil and they hate us. I am not crazy. Ever seen the movie “The Birds”. Those scenes in the movie where birds are flying at the actors’ heads trying to peck their eyes out appear to be realistic because they are. I saw this movie while I was in Jr High school, and I have never been the same since. That night my mother’s canary managed to open its cage, then unlock and open the front door, escaping into the night, never to be seen again. Then there is the realistic image of a killer bird in the sci fi classic, “The Giant Claw”. If you can’t see the evil in that bird’s eye you are blind.

Birds are not stupid. There may be billions of them, but they are small and as they did not ratify the second amendment, they do not have guns. Their only option to kill us is through asymmetric warfare.  I suspect that wild birds intentionally infected themselves with H5N1 decades perhaps centuries ago.  Over time they developed at least a bit of flock immunity, so that now at least some of them can carry the virus with no symptoms. Chickens were intentionally left out of the plan as they are the lackies of the hated humans.  Thus, the chicken was singled out to be the test of their biowarfare weapon. In addition, according to recent paleontology, chickens are the closest living relative of Tyrannosaurs rex. Although a dinosaur, it ate its own and has been deemed unworthy by the crow council. Also, is it just a coincidence that Trump resembles a cross between a human and an Orange Headed Zit Sucker? I don’t think so.

Farfetched you say.  No more so that the moon landing was faked, Hillary had a child pornography ring in a pizza parlor basement, and the Jan 6 riot was a peaceful protest. Face the truth folks. Nature has had enough of our  human foolishness. Even the trees are setting themselves on fire in an effort to depopulate LA.  Wake up people! Grab your shot guns and chain saws before it’s too late!