Let me start off by apologizing to you. I have always tried to be humorous and failed miserably in my last two posts. Admittedly, the subjects of those posts being ICE murders and insultingly stupid MAGA replies to my intelligent trolling of them, are not easy subjects for humor, but I shoulda-woulda-coulda done better, and being pissed is no excuse. Anger and humor are not mutually exclusive. A lesson that I should have learned from watching hours of Lewis Black videos, even in his latest ones, where he only reads rants submitted to him by random people in the audience. We all get lazy in our old age, however, this also scientifically proves that the anger/humor mutation, although more common in comedians of Jewish heritage, it is still present to some extent in all ethnicities. And, as my mother’s maiden name was Eckstein, I am more likely to possess it.
For those few of you who read my blog on a regular basis, you know that I am always looking for the big idea that will elevate me into the upper 1% or at least make it mandatory to file my taxes on the long form. A few of these previous big ideas were kind of out there; rape free turkeys and full contact golf comes to mind, but I digress. But with this one, I think I have finally hit the screw on the head.
Before my big reveal, a little background. I watched the super-bowl half-time show with Bad Bunny. I will admit to some skepticism at the choice, as I had never heard of him and had lost interest in Tiawana street music after Herb Albert turned 90. However, I have vowed to always watch the super bowl halftime show after missing the Janet Jackson wardrobe malfunction. Praise the Lord, I remembered recorded that one! Even so, my resolve to do this has been faltering of late, as the post Janet productions were at best mediocre with rappers grabbing crotches and post menopause women dancing to songs I never cared for, even though they were scantily clad. To make this a bit shorter, I came in with low expectations.
Wow! There is a lot more to salsa than corn chips. Even though I am so mono-lingual that I need a pig latin translator, I loved it. The dancing, the set, the infectious music made me want to get up and dance. I didn’t, which was also a good thing. A straight couple got married, for real, and Bunny did not wear a dress. What could be more America affirming than that?
MAGA on the other hand hated it before conception. They demanded a patriotic/christian/ignorant red-hatted alternative. Please notice I spelled Christian with a lower case “c”. I thought that was quite clever of me. Kid Fucking Rock! A red neck guy with hair that looks like it needs a lice treatment. He was wearing shorts and lip syncing badly. Sure, if you are language limited like me, you needed a translator to understand Bad Bunny’s lyrics, but Kid Rocks lyrics were not in English either. This is some of what he sang:
Said the boogie, said up drop the boogie
Bawitdaba, da-bang, da-bang, diggy-diggy-diggy
Said the boogie, said up jump the boogie
Bawitdaba, da-bang, da-bang, diggy-diggy-diggy
Said the boogie, said up drop the boogie
Bawitdaba, da-bang, da-bang, diggy-diggy-diggy
Said the boogie, said up jump the boogie
At least Spanish can be translated. Bawitdaba is red neck gibberish. Or is it?
I grew up in Medford, Oregon which is located in Southern Oregon. As a whole, Oregon is a progressive state. Even when we elect republicans, they are the Tom McCalls (cleaned up the Willamette River), the Mark Hatfields (voted against the Vietnam war). Even a yellow dog Democrat like me voted for him. But Southern Oregon is not that Oregon, with the exception of Ashland. Ashland is an island of art and sanity in this wanna be “State of Jefferson”. This is because people in Ashland consume local Lithia water, which contains lithium, a medication used to treat insanity.
With Facebook I was able to reconnect with some of my old Medford high school friends that were not lucky enough to escape this shit hole. I asked them if they might be able to translate the lyrics of “Bawitdaba” for me. The consensus among them was that taken as a whole the lyrics of the song seemed to say things like “broke open like a shot gun and fucked like a dog”, and “make him squeal like a pig”. Thank goodness that it did not glorify pedophilia. Hold on a minute there, in “Cool, Daddy Cool” the Kid opines:
Young ladies, young ladies, I like ‘em underage. Some say that’s statutory, but I say it’s mandatory.
I could go further into the Kid Rock song book and quote some of the lyrics from another one of his big hits, “Balls In Your Mouth”, but I just ate breakfast and am trying to keep it down.
The point I am trying to make here is that MAGA viewed Bad Bunny’s show as an evil Hispanic slap in the face to America, while Kid Rock’s was patriotic and Christian. WTF! What next? Separate drinking fountains, bathrooms, and get to the back of the bus, you shit hole Mexicans.
What can I do about this bull shit other than lose my temper again? I need to do something constructive for a change. I need to encourage those who are getting thrown to the ground and punched in the face by masked thugs for the crime of being brown. I need to show them that even an old white guy who cannot express himself in Spanish, that I am one of them in spirit. I need a really big idea.
So, after that long wind up, here it is. From now on I am going to occasionally walk up to random Hispanics, give them two thumbs up and say, “FUCK ICE”! I know that this big idea won’t make me rich. I am not stupid. I do have a Ph. D you know. But if I do it to a waitress in a Mexican Restaurant, I might get a free margarita.
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