As I have told you, I wanted to go to Yellowstone National Park for most of my life. I had built it up in my mind as something so totally wonderful that it could not possibly meet those expectations. I was wrong and the Tetons only added to my love of this unique and awesome country.
Judy and I have been to these parks four times over the years, in the spring of 1994 in the MSP and fall of 2001 in a Class A we purchased after the MSP was passed on to a new sucker, and two more times in a travel trailer (AKA Boldly Go). All these visits were some of the best trips we ever took together, and we can’t wait to go back as we still have not seen it all.
On our first trip we started out from Pocatello. It is a relatively short drive on I15 to Idaho Falls where you catch Highway 26 and head east. We made the mistake of stopping in Blackfoot, ID to visit the Idaho Potato Expo as they advertised “Free taters to out-of-staters”. Wow! How could anyone pass up free potatoes from the self proclaimed Potato capital of the world? Idahoans have “Famous Potatoes” as the slogan emblazoned on their license plates, indicating that every single citizen of the state takes pride in having the highest per capita embarrassment threshold in the United States. How else can you explain that Larry “wide stance” Craig was one of their senators? Although Judy had stocked up the RV with enough food for the trip and a little extra in case of a recurrence of the Noah thing, Judy had purposely not bought any taters as we knew we were going to get some for free being “out-of-staters”. The Potato Expo even had a tater museum with the world largest potato chip and all kinds of other things that you always wanted to know but were afraid to learn about potatoes. As the museum was not free, and as Judy and I had seen potatoes before, we thought that we would just get our 10 lb bag of free taters and leave. What you actually got if you were from out of state is not taters, but tater. One lousy baked (more than likely microwaved) potato. The condiments like butter, sour cream, chives costing extra. As we were not hungry, and would have been close to damn near starving to eat a plain potato, we were soon on our way, disappointed but wiser. Last time I drove through that area I noticed that the “free taters for out of staters” billboards were gone. Although the tater museum is still there, a flood in 2005 caused the management to shut down that foody option.
Our disappointment was soon forgotten as the south entrance to Teton National Park is one of most wonderful drives I have ever been on. On two of our trips to Yellowstone we entered into Wyoming via highway 26 to Alpine. Although there is another way via Teton Pass on highway 31, we have been told by several natives of the area that unless you have towing insurance, an RV is probably not the best vehicle to explore that route. Besides, highway 26 to Alpine and then to Jackson, WY is spectacular. And it all starts with a place that tugs at your heart. Climbing out of the potato lands east of Twin Falls, ID, we crested a hill which looks down into Swan Valley. The view makes you want to stop, sell all your worldly possessions and live there for the rest of your days, or at least, till winter freezes your keister off. It was stunning in the spring but when the cotton-woods that line the Snake River are in color in the fall it makes your jaw drop. It is an image that I will always remember with goose bumps.
From Swan Valley the highway climbs past the Palisades Reservoir to Alpine, WY where it turns north to Jackson. The road follows the Snake River as it meanders and plunges through the canyon below the road. This section of river is noted for its white water rafting with rapids having names like “Lunch Counter” and “Big Kahuna”. Judy and I have talked about doing a white water raft trip for years. We even own a couple of inflatable kayaks and have taken them down some mild rapids on the Willamette and Snake Rivers, but have never had the time and stupidity to do the real thing. However, one of these times we will pay the $70-$100 each and go for the ride with a pro. One who knows what to do, how to do it, and can be sued by our offspring when we drown.
After coming out of that beautiful canyon, the town of Jackson is a disappointment. It is a tourist trap with tourist prices, and it’s most famous feature, an arch made out of elk antlers, gives me the pokey creeps. But to the north, the Grand Tetons loom. The sage brush prairie to the east looks like it goes right up to the base of these awesome peaks. As I drove closer I realized that there is a forest of pines, cottonwoods and aspens at their bases which frame some of the most magnificent lakes in the world with Jenny Lake being the crown jewel. Unfortunately there is no RV camping at these lakes, but just a few miles up the road is Jackson Lake/Reservoir with Coulter Bay and Signal Mountain Campgrounds. We’ve stayed at both, but Signal Mountain has the best views. Never managed to get a lakefront campsite there and the maximum RV length is listed at 27 feet. We did manage to get our 29 foot class A into one of them on our second visit with room in front of that RV to park our towed pickup sideways. No way could I stay there with our current travel trailer.
The Colter Bay campground is near the north entrance to the park and although it is not as scenic, it has bigger sites and more of them. It also has a neat little American Indian museum. Judy is fascinated by Native American arts and crafts and can spend hours looking at the little moccasins that are covered with ornate patterns of beads with which the white traders swindled the Indians out of their furs, land and women. I much prefer the war clubs and tomahawks with which the Indians bashed in the skulls of traders when they found out how badly they had been cheated. This of course led to bad times for all involved, with a lot of dead bodies and premature baldness. Too bad for the Indians that they did not figure out the casino thing a little earlier, as their lot might have turned out better. However that alternative history would not have been as good for white guys like me as I have trouble enough with the English language without having to learn Lakota as a second language.
On one of our visits to the Tetons we did get up a little courage to take a scenic raft trip on the Snake River. Although this was not technically white water it was still enjoyable to be on the water floating though the brilliant yellow cotton woods with our guide telling us enjoyable stories about the river and stupid tourists. For example, it is not a good idea to tap a buffalo on the forehead for a better photo op unless you are into full body casts. But his best story was about Walt Disney, who, having rafted this same section of river many years ago, got the idea of making a movie about river otters which was called “One Day at Teton Marsh”. I remember seeing this one as a kid on Walt Disney’s Wonderful World of Color which was my favorite show even though all we had at the time was a 13 inch black and white TV. River otters are so adorable and Disney got the most amazing close ups of their antics. His wildlife photographers were the best. However, Disney cheated a bit on this one. Seems like when they got around to making the movie, the wild otters were nowhere to be found. So Disney got the use of trained otters from the San Diego Zoo. These urban actor otters were type-cast to imitate their wild counterparts. At the end of each day’s shoot, the trainer blew a whistle and they would all come running back to be put up in local four star cages for the night. Everything went well till the last day of the shoot for when the trainer blew the whistle, the otters did not come back. My guess is that they tasted a bit of the local wild life and all eventually settled down with local babes to have lots of kinky sex and little otters. All in all, Judy and I had a fun day and even though we did not see any wildlife of note, we very much enjoyed the raft trip.
That evening we sat by our campfire and watched the sun set over the Tetons. I smoked a few cigars and as it grew dark we polished off a bottle of cheap red wine then pretended we were otters. Sometimes life emulates nature or something equally profound and obscure. Whatever the meaning, the next day we were going to Yellowstone to fulfill my lifelong dream.
