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Author: docboese

Satire on Facebook

What do these stories have in common?

Denzel Washington Declines Disney’s $50 Million Project, ‘They’re Too Woke’

Mike Tomlin Suspends Two Steelers Players for Anthem Kneeling

Jason Aldean Wins $100 Billion Lawsuit Against CMT

Beyonce Sings ‘Alternative National Anthem’ At The NFL, Gets Booed Off Immediately

Bud Light Suffers Billions in Losses After Appointing Colin Kaepernick as Their New Brand Ambassador

Roseanne’s Debut Morning Show on Fox Shatters Viewership Records, Overtakes ‘The View’

Megan Rapinoe Leaves America, Vows To Never Return

They were all on Facebook and none, zero, nada is true.  These stories are obviously fake.  These stories are as ridiculous as posting that Trump is facing 91 felony charges. Would anybody in their right mind believe that one? An ex-president could never be charged 91 times. Utter nonsense. But just to make sure, I googled each one of the above stories. It took me ten seconds to determine that these were all fake news, yet they all got thousands of likes, positive comments, and shares. These examples are just a small sample from just one of these “satirical” sites and almost all, at least on my Facebook iteration, are aimed to enrage the right wingnuts into responding. The anthem kneeling ones have been repeated using different teams, coaches and even refs suspending players for protesting racial injustice. This brings the feeble minded out of their commas with cries of “it’s about time”,” I love Mike Tomlin”, and the ubiquitous “Amen”.  These people hate Whoopie Goldburg and The View so much that they claim that they are going to keep watching the fantastic Roseanne show no matter what, even though no such show exists!

And if you happen to be the most successful woman athlete of the last 20 years and the one who forced a male dominated sport into paying comparable salaries to a team of women, watch out!  So, what if this team has dominated for years. They even took glee in watching them lose their last game when Rapinoe missed a penalty kick.  What happened to the chants of USA USA?  The only way these butt holes would root for a women’s team would be if they played in bikinis. Even then they would only be looking for wardrobe malfunctions. This is so wrong, even though that is the reason I watch beach volleyball. It’s still wrong. Did you know that the lingerie football league is back? Now that is football.

These wingnuts are the same idiots that gave up their beloved Bud Lights because of a commercial showing a trans person drinking one.

“Budweiser should not have known better than to insult the people who drink their beer. GO WOKE AND GO BROKE”.

I am glad they cleared that up for me as I thought it was a virtue to insult homophobic bigots.

I remember sitting in an Elks Lodge in Arizona about the time Colin Kaepernick took the knee. Many of my fellow Elks were so incensed by the act that they vowed never to watch the NFL again. They gave up football because a second string QB at the literally the end of his career, used the national spotlight to try and make a point about the inequities in the justice system. That was seven years ago, and they still are enraged at the NFL for not immediately fining, firing or butt fucking anyone who does the same.  Do they not notice that most of the players on the teams are blacks? Do they not realize that black mothers and fathers feel that they need to teach their children that when they get pulled over by a cop that they keep their hands on the wheel, stare straight ahead and try to remain calm? That is something I never dreamed of having to tell my three kids in their driving lessons.  Might have been that I was worried about getting home alive, but that is another story.

Having been born, raised and grown old in semi-rural Oregon, I have only known a few blacks who were almost exclusively highly educated.  One of these people was an intern we had for a summer. He was an Oregon State University student with a big smile that forced me to smile back even if I was having one of those days.  After I got to know him a bit, he told me that he had been pulled over 22 times in two years and never given a ticket.  This was one of many stories finally woke my skinny lily-white ass up.  Driving while black is really a thing, even in Corvallis.

Honestly, I am surprised that I don’t see a lot of anti-migrants “satirical “posts about diseased wet backs. Maybe it’s too much for the fake news Facebook crowd to denigrate the brave people who walk for miles only to have to swim across the ice choaked St. Lawrence or Niagara Rivers in order to take our health care from us ‘mericans.  Trump is right we do need a wall.  A really tall one to keep all of that Arctic air out.

But seriously, here is an important piece of advice.  If you are a racist, misogynistic, homophobe, it is best to keep quiet about it. Copying and liking, IN WRITTING, this kind of shit on Facebook only points out who you are in mixed company. Eventually this will kick you in the pie hole, unless of course your last name is Trump.

One other point about people who loudly voice their hate for those who don’t conform to their norms of sexuality. As my dear friend Toni pointed out to me, those that are the loudest are the ones trying to hide who they really are from themselves. Maybe they should wake up before they are outed on Facebook.

What to do with the internal combustion engine hold outs

There is a growing and almost violent disagreement between those who own electric vehicles (EV) and those owning traditional cars which use internal combustion engines (ICE). I will not go over all the arguments pros and cons for EVs other than to say that all the cons have engineering solutions which when fully implemented will mean the extinction of ICE cars and trucks. How long this will take is hard to know for sure, but the sooner the better. This is because once green house gases are released into the environment there are no engineering solutions, only biological ones, one of which is extinction.  

Governments all over the world know this and are doing what they can to incentivize this transition. Due to the absolute hatred of anything that might impinge on their freedom to destroy the planet, the ICE crowd are not going for it. Incentives are never going to work.

What might work are disincentives to owning an ICE. Here are just a few of my great ideas. All new ICE cars will have the following as standard equipment:

*Radios that only receive NPR stations.

*Available colors will be Barbie Pink, Puce, Lavender, Peach, and Chartreuse.

*The new car smell will be replaced by patchouli oil.

*Dashboards will either have a bud vase or a Nancy Palosi bobble head doll.

*Seat belts will be lacy, rainbow colored, and the car will not start till its buckled.

*Breathalyzer interlocks.

*The voice of the built-in navigation device will have Latino accent.

The problem with these disincentives is that they only apply to new cars. I am afraid that something more may be needed to discourage you from driving an existing ICE car.  Like:

*When the police pull over an ICE car they will be required to ask for license, proof of insurance and vaccination.

*Pump your own gas stations will be outlawed and all gas station attendants will be either homeless, undocumented and/or transsexual.

*Emission testing will be mandatory in every state and all testing centers will be located in high crime areas.  If your car fails to pass, it will be impounded on site, and you will be required to ride the bus home.

*Traffic fines will double if you are pulled over in an ICE car while wearing a MAGA or cowboy hat.

*Gasoline additives will now include aroma therapy oils.

I know that none of these great ideas will ever be enacted and if they were they would never be enforced. Hell, they can’t seem to elect a speaker of the house or stabilize the funding of the government. My only hope is that this blog goes vial and the dumb shits believe it is one of the many Bill Gates plots to destroy America. I know that if this happens it will only make them angrier about EV’s, but at least we can have a few more laughs about how stupid these idiots are.