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No Kindling Required

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We are visiting Judy’s family in Northern Washington for a month, in the rain, snow, and mud.  We could have been in Arizona, but no!!! We decided to go 50 miles south of the Canadian border in January because it would be fun.  Our one-year old Golden loves the mud which she artistically tracks on the back seat of our truck, RV floor and the seat of the RV Lazyboy.  I have never been a big fan of the arts.  Judy, on the other hand is having a great time with her younger sister sewing American Girl doll cloths.  I, on the other hand, am spending a lot of in the RV listening to exciting public radio programs about midwifery and obscure African musically forms.  Praise the Lord for cheap and really good Costco scotch.  Half in the bag and bored,  I tend to get more easily confused , distracted and my mind wanders into fantasy,

Case in point.  The doll sewing sisters have left me marooned in a Lowes in Burlington Washington, while they go a few miles away to a fabric store.  “We are only going to get one thing, just take a few minutes.  Get your stuff and we will probably be in the parking lot waiting for you.”  I know better but have learned in a half a century of marriage to keep my pie hole shut at appropriate times.  Took me four decades to learn this but learn it I did, with only a few trips to the ER.

After 45 minutes of waking around in Lowes, checking out the hand tools, table saws, power washers, I was sitting on a pile of wood stove pellet bags, waiting, waiting, waiting.  Sat there for so long that several people came up to me to see if I would like a cash day job.  I just shrugged my shoulders and said, “no hablo Ingles”. That did not really happened,  as my mind does tend to fantasy in these situations and this was Washington, not Montana, where I could have easily been confused for a undocumented day labor.  And then I saw the sign. 

European split white birch.  Why was Lowes importing firewood from Europe? I live in the fucking Pacific Northwest.  Firewood is everywhere.  You don’t even have to cut it down. Every time the wind blows thousands of trees fall down over roads, power lines, and crush people to death while sleeping in their bedrooms.  Do we really need to import firewood? Wouldn’t that screw up our balance of payments, whatever the fuck that statistic is? Or worse yet, maybe we are bringing in Europeans to split our firewood.  I know Trump wants people from Norway to immigrate here, but unskilled wood choppers?  We have enough of that demographic already here.  Maybe the sign was just bad grammar.  Maybe it should have read, split European white birch.  I google European white birch.   It is a real tree, native to Europe and Asia.  However, it is ENDAMGERED!  Is Lowes importing nearly extinct species for profit?  It has been planted in the US as an ornamental.  Maybe, I thought, this tree went wild in its new environment and is now an invasive nuisance species like Chinese bottle brush, scotch broom, and tea bagging Republicans.  Lowes then maybe doing us all favor by cutting them down and making it into firewood.  Beautiful!  Making a profit and helping the environment at the same time.  A quick Google search sunk that sailboat.  Seems like it never was used much in landscaping, never went crazy kudzu on us. Worse yet it is a host for a nasty boring beetle.  Lowes may have got a good deal by disposing of sick trees, but are they are spreading infected firewood across the nation.   I more confused than ever, but the doll sisters are here so it’s time to signoff.

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